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feels good to have my feet on this floor.

the current craft at its beginning.  no spoilers!

1070

the number of words i have written so far for my anthropology paper.  1930 to go.

every day that i am in school i feel more conflicted.  on the one hand i love this environment of learning, and i love my campus.  on the other hand i cannot see any more clearly where this is all directing me.  will i go on to graduate school?  will i leave here and get a job?

i really can't see the latter happening.  at least, not happily.

what i can see for myself is the sort of occupation college just doesn't seem to really prepare one for.  in another time i think i would have been an artisan.  doing pottery or basket-weaving.  sometimes i sort of wish it were acceptable now to just become someone's apprentice, learn their craft and take it over when they retire.

i want to create things.

http://ohhappyday.com/2012/03/diy-paper-flower-cone-bouquets/#more-13286

it is april.

a month of rain and flowers.  i think the ideal time to begin this, although originally i had anticipated beginning it a bit later-- a bit closer to the date of my summer studies.

months ago, i sent a soul sister of mine an email entitled "call me crazy".  in it, i told her that i felt God was putting something on my heart: aftercare for victims of human trafficking, something i have been studying for over a year now.  

God moved, as always, in a way that was very different from my thoughts.  this summer, this soul sister and i will be doing research around the U.S. on the topic of aftercare for women who have been trafficked in the U.S.

now, in the past few weeks, i feel God is doing a work of aftercare in me.  i have been up and i have been down, but ultimately i have come to see how much... my thoughts can be hurtful, to myself and to others. i have seen the envy that i have, the frustration, the impatience, the indifference.  i feel my eyes have been opened to how much i lack, how little control i have, how great the grace of God is to fill me where i am not whole, and to brighten up where i am dark.

that is why this blog is called shabar+joy.  shabar is a hebrew word, meaning broken.  

last summer, the theme of my summer was selah; a hebrew word meaning 'pause and think on this' often found at the end of/ within psalms.

this summer my theme is shabar+joy.  i am broken, and yet i smile.  i am messed up, and yet i laugh.  for i am not without hope, and i am not without healing.  God loves me, and says to me, rejoice in Him.  God pours into me, so i overflow with gladness.

i invite you to walk with me as i take on this summer.  i will share with you my experiences, my crafts, pictures i take, and things that i learn.  

it is april.  and you know what they say.  april showers, bring may flowers.

Philippians 4:4-7

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.  Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.  The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.