homemade pizzas + smiles

a few nights ago addie and i had two very beautiful young ladies from the neighborhood over for pizza cheesy broccoli, and a little ice cream.  we had a lot of fun each making our own pizza constructions, and over dinner we talked about school, boys, and life in general.  the girls each had a few "silly questions" for us, and we shared so much laughter.

both girls were happily surprised to see that they were taller than me, which they weren't last summer.  when addie told them that i had driven her car to get them, 11 year old andromeda, asked, "you could see over the wheel?"  yes, andromeda, i had no problem with that thank you very much!  [:

she is also the one who picks me up in the picture below.  it's okay though, because she hugged me about fifteen times over, saying, "i'm so glad you're here, i love you."  i love you too!  [:

tatiana, about a year older, was also very excited to hang out with us.  one of her silly questions was for addie, it was, "have you ever been afraid of water?"  

addie's pizza

andromeda's pizza

my pizza

tatiana's pizza

baby i'm home

home again, just for a bit.  it feels refreshing, as it usually does.

i don't know if i've mentioned this yet but my parents are foster parents.  so in the house is sweet little julia*, the sweetest little four month old child i've ever seen.  i basically haven't stopped holding her since i got through the door.  i held her in the living room, i held her in the backseat of the car (parked), i held her in k-mart, i held her in the parking lot, i held her from the car back to the house into the kitchen into my room until she was in the crib sleeping again.

i tell ya, there's nothing like a good six hours with a child to let you know you're not ready to have one. i look forward to one day having a little four month old of my own, no doubt, but not in any four months in the near future.  i think i'll be content working the nursery a little more often at church.

*i've changed her name for confidentiality purposes

more gifs

okay, i couldn't help myself.

in class when the teacher can't see my computer screen:

when people say Christians can't have fun:

when i read the Bible and it directly speaks to something i just went through:

how i wish they would begin the movie about my life:

when a kid i haven't seen in a few years goes, "i'm taller than you now!":

when i come out of the bathroom from checking on my hair:

"why are you always in your room on friday nights?":

after eating healthy for a few weeks:

after a friend i haven't seen in a long time leaves:

"you gonna eat that last cookie?":

when someone compliments me on a bad day:

wearing heels:

was i excited to turn 21 and have my first beer with my dad?:

when it's taking too long for people to say the grace:

that hyper glitchy feeling i get after drinking a cafe mocha:

on the agenda today + gifs

a lot of calls.  i'm not a huge fan of making calls.  i've realized that more and more as this has gone by.  although, ironically, i've become more comfortable with it at the same time.  but anyway, i can think of a much better way to get my point across to you than me just sitting down and explaining it.

this is me, on the phone, in a snapshot:

when i get off the phone and we have an interview date set down:

i enjoyed this little picture-thought duo so much, i've gone looking for some other things that apply to other areas of my life.


when i saw addie again:

looking outside of the plane as it went over empty land:

when the lady at the airport was like, "are you traveling alone?":

when anyone buys me cookies, ice cream, or chocolate:

"hey, you wanna eat the last bit of my [cookies/ice cream/ chocolate]?":

when i read that INFPs are naturally emotional:

whenever someone asks me if i have a boyfriend:

when people exaggerate about how small i am:

when someone texts me, and i answer, and then they don't answer for days:

that's all for now!  more to come, to this blog... near you!  <3

the cooking continues

so when addie and i got back to richmond the first thing we did was go to mcdonalds.  it was quite a crazy last-moment roadtrip, as the local mcdonalds turned out to be shut down– power outage– and the next closest one was in the south side, which we are not as familiar with.  and then when we got there they didn't have any ice cream at all.  sad day... night.

so i had a mcdouble and addie had cookies.  it wasn't very healthy.  and so, the next night we decided to get our walmart veggies and chicken and goodness, and cook in.  quinoa and chicken.  mm, mm, budget cooking mm.

here are some pictures:

God Continues

i just don't even know ya'll...

God is doing so much.  my dad meets this guy whose son is about to be an executive pastor at a church in Las Vegas.  i get a link to a little documentary about the church, i think, oh i'll watch ten minutes... oh i'll watch another ten minutes... then i'm like, hooked.  i mean, God so like over-the-top told this couple to move from Virginia to Las Vegas to start this church and i'm just thinking...

yeah, God told me to do this.  Yeah, when i get discouraged, i can just look back and know that God told me to do this too.  and wow, God is using all of those people in such major ways...

anyway, so i've emailed the guy and we'll see what happens.  maybe they can use our research to push ahead in connecting with anti-trafficking in Las Vegas.

500 views!

since i began.

that's pretty stellar.

back in va

it's not terribly difficult to adjust back time-wise but it isn't easy either.

now that i'm back in va, i feel a few things:

• like i've returned home, so happy
• humidity
• my hair is bigger, because of humidity
• excited and anxious for further interviews
• so much reading to do!!
• excited to get back to running
• so much readingggg

that's pretty much all i can think of for now.

i'll update again soon!

watch that video below if you haven't yet!!

Nada Se Compara from Don't Sell Bodies on Vimeo.

journal entry number five

prompt: list of goals

• that college students will have a knowledge of commercial sexual exploitation, how it affects their day to day life and applies to their future careers
• compile art resources, photos, videos, etc. that focus on the topic of CSE in the u.s. which can be used to spread information on the topic
• develop my graphic design, web design skills to use working with non-profits and service providers
• develop curriculum including lesson plans and flyers, posters, art, etc., for high schools and/or middle schools in the u.s.
• that girls would have a knowledge of what it means to be at risk for trafficking, what traffickers are, what opportunities they can go after elsewhere, etc.
• that boys would have a knowledge of how uncool pimping is, what is at risk for them as buyers or traffickers, what opportunities they have elsewhere, etc.
• that adult male leaders would be identified who will assist in re-creating the image of manhood for young girls and boys, assisting in the two previous bullet points
• bringing different agencies in Richmond into communication on the topic of CSE who are relevant to it: law enforcement, school administrations, probation officers, service providers, awareness groups (RJI), domestic abuse shelters, rape crisis centers, homeless shelters, etc.
• bringing together different on-campus groups to raise awareness on a broad scale on the topic of CSE: SSTOP + UR Fierce, UR Men for Change, FAME, UMOJA, NGOMA, Greek Life orgs, WILL, + collegian journalists and photographers
• narrow down more the area of design that is right for me...
• encourage existing organizations that do prevention work, perhaps without even knowing it (CHAT) 
• engage the artists i know who can contribute, getting more visibility for themselves as well as assisting in efforts i organize
• remembering the girls and women i know who are doing well, and continuing to encourage them and keep space in my life to connect and enjoy time with them
• self-care self-care self-care
• pray pray pray
• that CSE would no longer be something anyone can turn a blind eye too.  it is too big, it is too bright, it is too everywhere to not see, to not think about, to not desire to be equipped to deal with.

edit:  the highlighted are top 5 most achievable/ reachable for me at this moment

mango taffy

journal entry number four

prompt:  how do you communicate concern, love and compassion, non-verbally? to yourself? to others?

listening.

we've talked about listening a lot today but it's true.  sometimes i think the best way to expression concern love and compassion is just to be silent.  to show that you're listening not by speaking but just by showing that you are completely present.  nodding your head– if you're on the phone inserting the occasional "mhm" or "yea", leaning forward, using facial expressions that are understanding, corroborating what's being told.

sometimes, touch and physical posture.

i give hugs.  i'm careful with this though, because i know not everyone feels comfortable.  with my very very very close girl friends i think i've given them all hugs when i've seen them down.  and some of them i give longer hugs and some of them i don't.  i'll hold their hands, i'll sit down on their bed, get on their level– i think that's important.  if i'm standing and someone else is sitting and they tell me something sad or that's really weighing on them i sit.  if they're standing and i'm sitting i'll stand if they're not about to sit.  i want them to know physically i'm where they're at.

with guys particularly...

i think i've been support to some guys in my life as well and with them it's usually been talking to them, asking them questions about how they're feeling about things, giving encouragement.  i can think of one guy friend of mine in particular who– i'll just hear from him randomly just you know, five months go by and then suddenly a 'hey' text.  and i'm super cool with that.  when we were near each other, and that happened we might have ended up going on a short walk and i would just ask him what's up and he'd sort of just talk and that'd be that.  i would offer my two cents maybe once or twice but mostly he just talked.  and now, i can't just get up and go on a walk with him but i ask him 'what's up' and if he wants to call and vent that's cool, it's whatever.  another guy i offer a lot more than just two cents to sometimes and maybe that hasn't always made him the happiest friend of mine haha, but our friendship has a different dynamic and i know he has appreciated my honesty, even the harsh honesty.

asking questions. 


offering music.


offering scripture.


praying with people.

i just remembered the question was non-verbal!!  ugh!  i decided not to just go back and delete because i think this is important and proves the point of the question, it's so easy to forget the non-verbal bit.

umm... okay, to myself...

i write, i guess.  i put music on.  i wear really comfortable clothes and sleep in a little late or treat myself to some chocolate, haha.  i... watch a movie i really enjoy or a tv show.  or i force myself to go outside for a little while.  or i do my nails, or i clean my room– that's a big one.  i try to build myself up.  if i really don't like the way i look in sweats, i won't wear sweats that much... umm... i really you know, make myself pick out things that i like about the way that i look when i'm beginning to feel insecure– i fight it back basically...

to others... yeah, i mean i definitely will just randomly hug my mom sometimes just to let her know how much i love and appreciate her.  and my dad too... mm... i guess also non-verbally... with my friends i just... hang out basically.  like say we're all coming from gospel choir but i sort of feel out whether they may want me to come chill with them in their room after and i'll do that.  ugh this is so hard!  haha.

i keep myself open.  i don't let people just... go, easily.  not in an over-attached way but like, i'm not going to lose my close friend over one small disagreement, you know?  i'm going to let that person know that they mean more to me in my life than that.  it takes something pretty huge and impactful to make me feel like i can't have someone in my life.

that's all i'm coming up with.  i think i communicate care and love and that very much verbally.  not literally saying "i care!" or "i love you!" although i do that too sometimes.  but just in other things that i say such as "do you want to have dinner tomorrow night?" haha or "let's hang out this weekend, i miss catching up, i feel like we haven't spoken in a while," or "i remember you said something was going on at home, how's that now?"


i think the worst mistake i've ever made is to not make myself available to someone.  not reach out.  that's not me, and that's not care... that's not me communicating care.  that's just... the only thing in my life that i can really identify as something i've regretted before.

i am that person who will always be there.  it's important to me that people in my life are confident in that.

the updated me and dad pic! in SAN FRAN, CA! woo!

journal entry number three

prompt: what does self-care look like for you?

good timing for this one because i was just talking to addie about it as we strolled in the park a day or so ago.

self-care for me comes in four main areas, i believe: (1) and foremost, my relationship with Jesus Christ, (2) and i think one of the more subtle areas, the support of my friends and family, (3) creative activity and (4) laughter.

(1) so my relationship with Jesus... you know, being present in the body of Christ, my prayer life, my engagement in the scripture, these are all very significant.  they're encouraging, and they're de-stressing and they help me to zoom out and say, "okay, the world isn't on your shoulders, Cheyenne; it's in God's hands and He's handling it".  i just know that i wouldn't be anywhere near this issue if it weren't for Christ in my life.  too many connections have been formed through my faith and i honestly think that my personality, i would be too overwhelmed if i didn't know that God had my back in this, and a plan for me in this, and i would rather just be doing (3) and (4).

(2) my family and my friends... even though i'm an introvert there are definitely some people in my life who i just am always able to talk to about anything.  and boy do i need to talk to them about everything.  prime examples of this are my beautiful and wonderful mother, and my handsome and wonderful father.

   

my mom and my dad have been my greatest supporters.  without them i wouldn't have the education and the opportunities and the self-confidence and the relationship with Christ that i have today.  i wouldn't be the same person.  they continue to maintain and sustain me.  i continue to come to them as resources of wisdom and support.  and of course, as in all relationships, it hasn't always been easy, we haven't always agreed or felt like we were on the same page but they have always come at me and my issues with an attitude of love that, even if i didn't understand it at the time, i come to understand better every year i grow older.  my mom i have ALWAYS told her what's going on.  especially with my dad, haha, i see how important he has been to my self-care more and more. and i don't regret a single time i've come to him with a problem or just to talk or to spend time.

so it's been the same with other friends at school over the years, and particularly in college, you know, i have an amazing group of girls who i can go to in richmond and they support me and understand me and get me through the times of joy and the times of tears, and likewise i do the same for them, with them.  i am so grateful for them.

and my friends who i don't get to see all the time but who check in on me and i check in on them, you all mean SO MUCH to me.  i value you no less than i value anyone who i see on the daily, and i hope you remember it between the times we get to talk.  you contribute to my self-care.

(3) creative activity i think is mostly writing for me.  poetry and prose, novel-writing, short stories, whatever.  i love to write.  it's how i process, it's how i am structured.  i just, need to let things out and that's the art i feel most comfortable and natural using.  yeah, this blog counts, but this is so stream of consciousness it doesn't really represent the art thing as much as my poems and prose.  this is like journalling and it's really very different for me to do this than to sit down and create a story.  also, crocheting, diy crafting, thrift store shopping, just looking around, going on pinterest, these things are very creative and they spark another part of my mind i really need to get in touch with on the regular.

(4) I LOVE TO LAUGH.  awkwardly, loudly, randomly, at my own horrible puns, whatever!  anyone who knows me knows i love to laugh and most of the time I JUST CAN'T CONTAIN IT.  it can be a problem.  especially around people who also laugh a lot (Cheleah, and Angela) hahahaha.  i could go onnnnn, really... but i won't hahaha.  SEE?  i love to laugh even in type!!  it's ridiculous.

i'm going to add (5) basic healthiness.  i need to eat... well.  i need to sleep... well.  i need to just rest.  i need to take vitamins and visit the doctor and not work when i'm ill and things like that.  i know people who are so full of passion and energy and drive but they don't take proper care of their bodies, they sacrifice physical necessities to get things done and i worry so much about them because they're going to burn themselves out!!  i just can't do that.

the palace

this girl is basically my heart. <3

this is the picture my children will pull out to laugh about with all of their friends because mom did not know how to control her hair.