prompt: how do you communicate concern, love and compassion, non-verbally? to yourself? to others?
listening.
we've talked about listening a lot today but it's true. sometimes i think the best way to expression concern love and compassion is just to be silent. to show that you're listening not by speaking but just by showing that you are completely present. nodding your head– if you're on the phone inserting the occasional "mhm" or "yea", leaning forward, using facial expressions that are understanding, corroborating what's being told.
sometimes, touch and physical posture.
i give hugs. i'm careful with this though, because i know not everyone feels comfortable. with my very very very close girl friends i think i've given them all hugs when i've seen them down. and some of them i give longer hugs and some of them i don't. i'll hold their hands, i'll sit down on their bed, get on their level– i think that's important. if i'm standing and someone else is sitting and they tell me something sad or that's really weighing on them i sit. if they're standing and i'm sitting i'll stand if they're not about to sit. i want them to know physically i'm where they're at.
with guys particularly...
i think i've been support to some guys in my life as well and with them it's usually been talking to them, asking them questions about how they're feeling about things, giving encouragement. i can think of one guy friend of mine in particular who– i'll just hear from him randomly just you know, five months go by and then suddenly a 'hey' text. and i'm super cool with that. when we were near each other, and that happened we might have ended up going on a short walk and i would just ask him what's up and he'd sort of just talk and that'd be that. i would offer my two cents maybe once or twice but mostly he just talked. and now, i can't just get up and go on a walk with him but i ask him 'what's up' and if he wants to call and vent that's cool, it's whatever. another guy i offer a lot more than just two cents to sometimes and maybe that hasn't always made him the happiest friend of mine haha, but our friendship has a different dynamic and i know he has appreciated my honesty, even the harsh honesty.
asking questions.
offering music.
offering scripture.
praying with people.
i just remembered the question was non-verbal!! ugh! i decided not to just go back and delete because i think this is important and proves the point of the question, it's so easy to forget the non-verbal bit.
umm... okay, to myself...
i write, i guess. i put music on. i wear really comfortable clothes and sleep in a little late or treat myself to some chocolate, haha. i... watch a movie i really enjoy or a tv show. or i force myself to go outside for a little while. or i do my nails, or i clean my room– that's a big one. i try to build myself up. if i really don't like the way i look in sweats, i won't wear sweats that much... umm... i really you know, make myself pick out things that i like about the way that i look when i'm beginning to feel insecure– i fight it back basically...
to others... yeah, i mean i definitely will just randomly hug my mom sometimes just to let her know how much i love and appreciate her. and my dad too... mm... i guess also non-verbally... with my friends i just... hang out basically. like say we're all coming from gospel choir but i sort of feel out whether they may want me to come chill with them in their room after and i'll do that. ugh this is so hard! haha.
i keep myself open. i don't let people just... go, easily. not in an over-attached way but like, i'm not going to lose my close friend over one small disagreement, you know? i'm going to let that person know that they mean more to me in my life than that. it takes something pretty huge and impactful to make me feel like i can't have someone in my life.
that's all i'm coming up with. i think i communicate care and love and that very much verbally. not literally saying "i care!" or "i love you!" although i do that too sometimes. but just in other things that i say such as "do you want to have dinner tomorrow night?" haha or "let's hang out this weekend, i miss catching up, i feel like we haven't spoken in a while," or "i remember you said something was going on at home, how's that now?"
i think the worst mistake i've ever made is to not make myself available to someone. not reach out. that's not me, and that's not care... that's not me communicating care. that's just... the only thing in my life that i can really identify as something i've regretted before.
i am that person who will always be there. it's important to me that people in my life are confident in that.
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